Broken Trust (merentha13)

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Title: Broken Trust
Author: merentha13
Artist: bodiecuddle
Archive to Pros Lib: Yes
Genre: Slash
Characters/Pairing: Bodie/Doyle
Word count: 25,500
Warnings: None

Summary: Doyle has betrayed CI5 and Bodie… or has he? Will Bodie set aside his hurt and anger, to find his missing partner.

Notes: I bothered many people in the writing of this story. I want to thank you all for the advice, information and encouragement. You all know who you are! Special thanks to callisto65 for the early beta and grammar lesson, to firlefanzine for being the best cheerleader ever! And piskiedust for a thorough beta, brit check and lots of support. (Ray wants to send out a thanks to dawnebeth without whose medical advice I’d have had him dead around Chapter 13 (too much “h” in the “h/c” *g*) And a big “THANKS” and “Well Done, Mate” to my vidder bodiecuddle. The Video is terrific!

All mistakes herein are mine. And as usual, I’ve only borrowed the characters. No copyright infringement intended.

I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed taking part in the challenge!

Art Master Post

Fic Master Post on AO3/ Broken Trust

Fic Master Post on lj/Broken Trust Part 1
Fic Master Post on lj/Broken Trust Part 2
Fic Master Post on lj/Broken Trust Part 3


RTF Files for e-readers

Comments

[liriel1810.livejournal.com]

The month has only just started and I'm already behind in reading! ack!

Thank you so much for all your efforts. I do love some Doyle whumpage so I'm really looking forward to reading this! I'll be back to comment again when I have read (but that might take a while - sorry). Cheers!

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Thanks! This being my first attempt at a long story, I'd appreciate any and all comments about what worked for you and what didn't! I hope you enjoy it.

[sc-fossil.livejournal.com]

Looks good. Congratulations on a succesful posting.

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Getting all the formatting and links to work was almost harder than writing the story!!! There is a reason some people were not meant to interact with computers! *g* I'm glad its posted, finally.*heavy sigh....)

[firlefanzine.livejournal.com]

*blushes*
It was honour and joy to watch the story grow! Thank you for the opportunity.
It's very heatbreaking and dramatic and I can highly recommend it! :-)
And the video shows perfectly the hard times they have to go through.

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Thank you again, for everything!

[snailbones.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on getting it posted!

It looks great, and I can't wait to read it, thank you.

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I hope you will enjoy it!

[bodiecuddle.livejournal.com]

Big Big Squeezing Hugs to you Mate!!!!!

After month of thoughts and being nervous it is finally done.

The story is FANTASTIC!!!! and it was a pleasure for me to try a bit of artwork (Vid) to it.

Cheers mate xx

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Big hugs back at you! The vid is wonderful and I'm still amazed at how fast you put it together! We did good! *g*

[scherwood]

whaaa~ love the summary. *excited*

*saving to my kindle*

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

It's so cool that my story will be on a Kindle! Almost makes you feel like a real writer! I hope you enjoy it.

[inlovewithboth.livejournal.com]

What an intriguing plot *shakes Bodie hard by the shoulders*, "No Bodie, use your brain, there's no way Doyle would do this! Trust him!" and then... "will you hurry up,look what they're doing to him!" Thank you Merentha for a great story and a huge dose of H/C. And I loved Bodiecuddle's vid too, it summed it up beautifully. xx

[bodiecuddle.livejournal.com]

yeah... Merentha did a very great job, Her first long story .. and the first Big Bang one..

Hats off!!!! Bodie and Doyle are so real here.. Ahh I love it!!

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

It's great seeing your story 'up in lights' (so to speak!) and I'm looking forward to having a nice, leisurely read of it. Well done and thank you for sharing your work.

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I appreciated your looking it over all those weeks ago. I hope you enjoy the finished version.

all done!

[piskiedust.livejournal.com]

Hi there

Great to see the story up! It has been fun to read/ check for you.
I hope it wasn't too much of a wrench to let the story go and get it posted!

Brilliant job

Re: all done!

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Thank you, for the kind words and all your input along the way! I was "playing" with it right up to the last minute... but I'm glad it is finally "all done"!

[saintvic.livejournal.com]

Yay so glad to see this up, I am downloading it as soon as I have finished tyoing this comment and am really looking forward to reading this.

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it finally posted too! Enjoy it!

[murphybabe]

Well, again, I should have been working but...

Massive congratulations to you both for fic and vid. Poor Bodie. Idiot Bodie. Fancy believing his Doyle would betray him! Poor Doyle for getting whumped so badly.

This kept me gripped all the way through. Thank you for a great effort.

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad it kept you interested - I've not written anything near this long before and I was afraid it might drag.

[krisserci5.livejournal.com]

My favorite moment was when the light bulb finally turned on and Bodie realized himself that his Ray was no bad. (You made me wait for it, though).

Great vid was great.

Thanks to you both.

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

So glad you enjoyed the story and the vid. I wrote and re-wrote that scene about a dozen times, glad to know it worked. Thanks for your comments.

[golden-bastet.livejournal.com]

Arrrgggghhh! I wrote a comment about your story - and then Firefox crashed. (Well, if you saw how many windows I have open, you'd crash, too. :()

But the main gist was to say congrats! on your first long story (really???) - it was a great ride figuring out just how everything would be resolved.

And kudos to bodiecuddle for the vid - I think this is the first vid I've seen really tailored to a story, and I understand now that's it's much more than just "possible" to do that. :)

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Computers can be very frustrating... you wouldn't believe all the things that kept going wrong when I tried to post. AO3 kept messing up the formatting, it deleted whole paragraphs, then I had trouble with the links - who'd have thought that one little quotation mark could make such a big difference! *g* But it posted and I can relax. Thanks for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed both the story and the vid (she did do a great job of choosing scenes to go with the story!)

[jaicen5.livejournal.com]

Hello Merentha

you should really do long stories more often, I read this in one go and enjoyed it. the plot was sound, the action was brilliant, the pacing was perfect, the HC was spot on and a hurt Doyle made my day.

Well done, I love to read a long story, I wish there were more of them.

Oh and BC did a nice job on the matching vid, she captured Doyle's aloneless very well.

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Wow! You've made my day! Thank you so much! I've been a big fan of your Pro's stories for a long time. I too favor the long story (even though most of my stuff is pretty short!), but I've gained a new appreciation for just how hard a long story is to write, to keep everything together. I may try another...someday! *g*

[norfolkdumpling.livejournal.com]

Downloading to the Kindle as I type :) Looking forward to reading this - I love the premise and I'm a total sucker for h/c, so bring it on! *g*

The vid is great, and a real teaser for the story - well done to bodiecuddle!

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

I hope you like it! I'm still blown away by the thought of something I've written being on someone's Kindle! Technology is a wonderful thing, no? *g*

BC did do a terrific job - picked out the perfect scenes to go along with the story.

[smirra.livejournal.com]

I look forward to reading your story!

The vid is an excellent appetiser too! The music its and the scenes look like they were shot for your vid exclusively!

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

BC did do a great job! I hope you'll enjoy the story!

[ci5mates.livejournal.com]

***Slight Spoiler***
I loved this story, it got me in and gripped me til the very end. I love h/c and I thought the plot was very plausible, Doyle would do anything for the job and Cowley although I think he learnt his lesson the hard way. It was dramatic and intense and my most heart wrenching moment was when Bodie handed Doyle the gun with just one round and told him not to be taken by the Russians...that scene took my breath away!!

Bodiecuddle has done an amazing job on the vid, as a vidder myself I did wonder how she would re create your story with existing footage...bravo she did it!!

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm so glad this grabbed you and kept hold. That was my biggest fear. I usually write drabbles and the 20,000 word requirement had me worried.

Bodiecuddle had the vid done so quickly after she read the story - she is amazing!

[kiwisue.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on writing your first long story, it's a worthy achievement. I’m not really a h/c fan, but I do hope you continue writing!

I enjoyed the vid as well.

[bodiecuddle.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I´m glad you liked both.

[sc-fossil.livejournal.com]

I read your story (again!) and I want to say you did a good job with it. I liked the small dialogue scenes you added in and expanded on. Well done. It was tense and kept me biting my nails throughout. Thanks!

BC, great job with the vid. I can tell you put a lot of work into fitting it with the story. Nice.

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Thanks! You're advice did help make it read better, I'm going to have to remember to stay away from just and that Thanks! You're advice did help make it read better, I'm going to have to remember to stay away from just and that not-so "perfect past tense"! I'm glad you liked the final version!

[moth2fic.livejournal.com]

Congratulations to both of you, and thanks for all the hard work you put in! We definitely need more long stories... I'm another Kindle reader and yes, it certainly does make your story seem somehow more 'professional' and 'published'. (I never bother uploading short stuff.)

Well done, Merentha, for going from drabbles to 20K+ in one leap! That must have taken some doing! But you did it!!

I particularly liked the scenes on the beach outside the croft.

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! It was hard to go from the short stuff to a full blown story, but I had a lot of help and advice from some very wonderful Pro's people along the way! I'm glad you liked the beach scenes - they actually came after most of the story was done. I felt I needed a bit of B&D together and had to show why they were both so upset by the broken partnership. (They are my favorite parts too!)

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

How lovely to see this up here in all its glory - well done to you!

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Thank you! And thanks again for the advice early on.

[margaret-r.livejournal.com]

It was lovely to see your finished story here and I'm glad you took up the challenge:) An interesting story with some great Bodie/Doyle moments, thank you for giving us the read.

And the vid was gorgeous:)

[bodiecuddle.livejournal.com]

Thank you. The story is really excellent.

I`m happy you liked the vid :)

[halotolerant.livejournal.com]

Congrats on the first long story (I see from comments that this is, although I wouldn't have guessed from reading it) - it's a solid, intriguing plot that sets up very well for all the h/c (which I do enjoy!) and I liked all the CI5 familiar faces showing up (I love Murphy getting some time 'onscreen' *g*) and the typical Cowley 'triple think' and of course the reunion at the end with everything finally out in the open - I liked the integrated flashbacks throughout, showing us the emotional set up for the final pay-off *g*

The video is a great trailer/teaser for the fic and creates the right mood, as well as giving some lovely visuals to kick start the reading process *g*

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your comments. It was my first long story - my longest previous to this may have made 2500 words. I had a lot of help from my cheerleader(firlefanzine) and my beta (piskiedust)to keep the plot on course and they kept me from overindulging in the hurt part of the hurt/comfort! *g* I'm glad the flashbacks worked, I was worried I'd switched between 'time' too often.

and bc's vid was great, wasn't it!

[snailbones.livejournal.com]

Wow - what a great story. Am I understanding other comments correctly that this is your first long fic? Blimey! It doesn't show!

The pacing was great, I loved the flashbacks (and didn't get lost in them as I sometimes do *g*), and everyone had plausible reasons for their behaviour. The final rescue scene was particularly vivid for me - but I thought it all worked perfectly.

Thank you for such a great story, and thanks too to bodiecuddle for the fabulous vid.

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your kind comments! Yeah, this was my first long story (over ~2500 words). I have a new respect for writer's of long stories - it's hard to keep everything on track. I'm really glad the flashbacks worked - I was worried that I went to them too often. so glad you enjoyed the story and bodiecuddle's terrific vid!

[draycevixen.livejournal.com]

I'm already so far behind on reading the BB stories that it's criminal... perhaps the lads will have to sort me out. *g*

Your story has been Kindleized (hey, I can make up a word) and I look forward to reading it.

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Kindleized (hey, I can make up a word) *VBG*

I wish you knew just how funny that comment is! I work with a bunch of chemists, who must never have taken a class in grammar, because they are constantly creating words by turning nouns into verbs! (Can you believe surrogating"!!??) I keep a list posted in my office of all such desecrations of the English language... You have been added to the wall!(*g*)

Hope you enjoy the story when you finally get a chance to do some reading!